I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you that men love oral sex! Maybe it's the thought of you pleasing only him, maybe it's that he gets to watch you do it, or maybe it's the stimulation that only a tongue can give, but whatever it is — he loves it. Many women give up on oral sex because they find it unpleasant or figure they can just have intercourse instead. If you've had problems with oral sex in the past, I encourage you to give it another try. It can be a great way to show your partner you care about pleasing him.
Give It a Chance
To start off, here's a tip for anyone worried about her gag reflex: Focus on breathing through your nose and using your hand to provide stimulation as well as your mouth, so you can control how much of him is going into your mouth and how far back he's going. This technique will reduce the chances of his penis hitting the back of your throat and causing you to gag.
If you don't want to swallow, it's perfectly fine to let it go on his stomach or switch to intercourse before he climaxes. This is something you may consider discussing with your partner before you engage in oral stimulation so he can warn you when he is nearing climax.
Warm Up
Begin licking his testicles and the shaft of his penis. Use your hands to help massage him — start at the base of the penis and slide them up and down around the shaft. Try rubbing his testicles, licking them, and cupping them in your mouth.
Get Going
Slide your mouth over the head of his penis. If he has a foreskin, you may want to pull it back first. Suck gently with the traditional up-and-down motion. And make sure you are very careful not to scrape his penis with your teeth.
Explore
Discover the different sensations you can use to arouse him. Suck harder, softer, faster, and slower, until you figure out what he likes. Alternate between sucking, licking, and kissing. Bring other parts of your body in on the action — your breasts, for example.
Blow
Use your breath to tease him. Blow long breaths along the shaft of the penis, or tease him with short, rhythmic breaths over the head.
Pay Attention
Observe his body language (and his erection) so you know if he's enjoying your moves. You can also just ask. I'm sure he'll be happy to give you feedback.
Show Him
Let him know you're enjoying giving him pleasure. Make eye contact with him. Moan a little. The vibration of your voice can create another level of stimulation.
When he is about to climax, continue with a steady motion of whatever stimulation you're giving him at the moment. If you don't want to swallow, try to make a quick but subtle and seamless transition to manual stimulation. Once he climaxes, hold him in your mouth (or hand) for a moment without moving. Men are extremely sensitive right after they orgasm, so give him a moment to relax before gently releasing him.
One thing that all men have in common is that they like to have their genitals touched. If you want him to take the time to warm you up properly, give him what he wants by going for his genitals faster. That's right — the next time you're starting to get it on, unzip his pants and give him a nice kiss!
I hope the His and Her Guide to Oral Stimulation will bring you and your partner a lot of pleasure! Remember that toys can be incorporated into any sex act to enhance arousal and spice up the experience for both you and your partner. Once you get your technique down, try getting creative by orally pleasing each other in different positions — sitting, standing, or in tandem!
Last Updated: 08/15/2007
Laura Berman, LCSW, PhD, is assistant clinical professor of ob-gyn and psychiatry at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University and director of the Berman Center in Chicago. Dr. Berman's online program, The Passion Prescription, based on her book of the same name, provides a step-by-step guide to recharging and making over your sex life.
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