Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Humor: The Bulwer-Lytton contest entrants

I couldn't find if these were this year's entries, but I'm amused.

1. With a  curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face  framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long  black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight  nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

7. Andre, a simple  peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall:  "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep."

6. Stanislaus Smedley, a  man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and  soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he  loved.

5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep  her from eking out a living at a local pet store.

4. Stanley looked  quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.

3. Like  an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent  remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

2. Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.


1. The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

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