Promo ADULT Excerpt: MAN vs. WILD by Lena Austin

 

Book 3 in the Coyotes of Yellowstone Series Released to Changeling Press MAY 27th.

Man vs Wild

by Lena Austin cover art by Reneé George

ISBN: 978-1-60521- 118-3

Genre(s): Paranormal

Theme(s): Vampires, Shapeshifters, Gay and Lesbian

Series: Coyotes of Yellowstone

Length: Novella

Coming Soon to Changeling Press

"Stop fighting the wild," said the coyote


About Man vs. Wild:

Survival show star Foxxe Wylder thinks his season ending show in Yellowstone may be as
stale as his career, and he's ready for a break prowling the urban jungles back
home. He didn't plan to hit a coyote on the road, nor that the charming little
canine would turn his world upside down.

Reno never wanted pack life, and the idea of getting a mate and raising a litter of
pups isn't on his wish list. Neither was being hit by Foxxe's SUV. Then,
Foxxe's producer gets an idea-- Foxxe will release the cutest coyote on TV back
into the wild, now that the vet has taken care of him. However, one stubborn
coyote has ideas of his own.




Excerpt (unedited):

Foxxe Wylder downshifted his new toy, a brand new coal black Lincoln Navigator. Yeah, he knew the jokes about how "luxury" and "SUV" were a contradiction in terms, but Foxxe figured he'd earned a few benefits because of his job. He wasn't looking forward to the next challenge that was for sure.

As if he could read his star's mind, Foxxe's producer Wayne tapped on Foxxe's shoulder. "How many more hours before we make it
to Yellowstone? "

Foxxe checked the GPS. Yeah, he loved the gadgets. He wouldn't have the luxury --there was that word again-- of a GPS or even a compass once they started filming the next episode of "Wild Survival" for the audience of the Discovery Channel who ate up every one of Foxxe's adventures of survival. "I'm guessing an hour or two, maybe. Who's our contact again?"

A soft snore from the front passenger side made Foxxe grin. His faithful cameraman Andy snoozed in the pre-dawn darkness, clutching one of his smaller expensive cameras like a kid cuddling a teddy bear. Andy had celluloid on the brain and had since childhood. In truth, Foxxe considered Andy braver and crazier than even himself. Foxxe was an ex-Navy Seal with too many medals for bravery and undetected crime for his own good, but any cameraman who worked documentaries ate great white sharks for breakfast and cleaned his teeth with lionfish quills. Nothing scared those crazy bastards but missing the shot.

Wayne slouched back in his seat. "Dr. Jeff Gleason, a volcanologist. He's your guide in." Wayne pulled out his ever-present notepad and Blackberry from under the paper piles he'd spread all over the back seat. "He's not happy about it, but his bosses at USGS insist he do this. I'm trying to convince him his job includes allowing us to film him. He's a Comanche. Our research
assistant waxed poetic. Apparently he's..."

"...A sex god waiting for a temple or other such shit. Yeah, I heard her." Foxxe sighed. He didn't need Wayne to know his star was gay, and he damn sure didn't want his fans to know, or the network would cancel the show for any excuse they could find. Foxxe held no illusions about his bosses. They were predators, all of them, and if they smelled any sort of weakness in you, they'd exploit it mercilessly. They thought Foxxe was some macho war hero who fucked six women a night, and Foxxe reaped the rewards of their illusions. However, the reality was that Foxxe went without sex more often than not.


Bookmark this link so you're one of the first to get your copy of Man vs. Wild!




 Slade Wolf
Promotion Manager
Phoenix Rising Promotions
prp_wolf@yahoo. com

My new animated banner!!

Marteeka Karland did this cool animated banner for me. I hope it works so you can see the great pictures she found! I'm so thrilled.

Cute picture re Man vs. Wild

I just had to share the greatest picture of a coyote, and it could be straight out of Man vs. Wild!

Promo*Coming Soon* MAN vs. WILD by Lena Austin

::Bouncing::

 

Book 3 in the Coyotes of Yellowstone Series is coming to Changeling Press MAY 27th. You do Not want to miss it!

Man vs Wild

by Lena Austin cover art by Reneé George

ISBN: 978-1-60521- 118-3

Genre(s): Paranormal

Theme(s): Vampires, Shapeshifters, Gay and Lesbian

Series: Coyotes of Yellowstone

Length: Novella

Coming Soon to Changeling Press

"Stop fighting the wild," said the coyote


About Man vs. Wild:

Survival show star Foxxe Wylder thinks his season ending show in Yellowstone may be as
stale as his career, and he's ready for a break prowling the urban jungles back
home. He didn't plan to hit a coyote on the road, nor that the charming little
canine would turn his world upside down.

Reno never wanted pack life, and the idea of getting a mate and raising a litter of
pups isn't on his wish list. Neither was being hit by Foxxe's SUV. Then,
Foxxe's producer gets an idea-- Foxxe will release the cutest coyote on TV back
into the wild, now that the vet has taken care of him. However, one stubborn
coyote has ideas of his own.




Excerpt (unedited):

Foxxe Wylder downshifted his new toy, a brand new coal black Lincoln Navigator. Yeah, he knew the jokes about how "luxury" and "SUV" were a contradiction in terms, but Foxxe figured he'd earned a few benefits because of his job. He wasn't looking forward to the next challenge that was for sure.

As if he could read his star's mind, Foxxe's producer Wayne tapped on Foxxe's shoulder. "How many more hours before we make it
to Yellowstone? "

Foxxe checked the GPS. Yeah, he loved the gadgets. He wouldn't have the luxury --there was that word again-- of a GPS or even a compass once they started filming the next episode of "Wild Survival" for the audience of the Discovery Channel who ate up every one of Foxxe's adventures of survival. "I'm guessing an hour or two, maybe. Who's our contact again?"

A soft snore from the front passenger side made Foxxe grin. His faithful cameraman Andy snoozed in the pre-dawn darkness, clutching one of his smaller expensive cameras like a kid cuddling a teddy bear. Andy had celluloid on the brain and had since childhood. In truth, Foxxe considered Andy braver and crazier than even himself. Foxxe was an ex-Navy Seal with too many medals for bravery and undetected crime for his own good, but any cameraman who worked documentaries ate great white sharks for breakfast and cleaned his teeth with lionfish quills. Nothing scared those crazy bastards but missing the shot.

Wayne slouched back in his seat. "Dr. Jeff Gleason, a volcanologist. He's your guide in." Wayne pulled out his ever-present notepad and Blackberry from under the paper piles he'd spread all over the back seat. "He's not happy about it, but his bosses at USGS insist he do this. I'm trying to convince him his job includes allowing us to film him. He's a Comanche. Our research
assistant waxed poetic. Apparently he's..."

"...A sex god waiting for a temple or other such shit. Yeah, I heard her." Foxxe sighed. He didn't need Wayne to know his star was gay, and he damn sure didn't want his fans to know, or the network would cancel the show for any excuse they could find. Foxxe held no illusions about his bosses. They were predators, all of them, and if they smelled any sort of weakness in you, they'd exploit it mercilessly. They thought Foxxe was some macho war hero who fucked six women a night, and Foxxe reaped the rewards of their illusions. However, the reality was that Foxxe went without sex more often than not.


Bookmark this link so you're one of the first to get your copy of Man vs. Wild!




 Slade Wolf
Promotion Manager
Phoenix Rising Promotions
prp_wolf@yahoo. com

EPIC Blog News - $200 Colour eReader on the way

Woohoo!! Finally, someone realized the economy is in a depression and made ebook readers more reasonably affordable. DUH, you morons! I'd much prefer to have a "Novel" eBook reader than a "Kindle." Amazon will never have the power to delete whatever it wants off my eBook reader!

 

Estimated to ship as early as June, The "Pandigital Novel" 7-inch,
colour, WiFi, eBook reader and web browser/multimedia device is a joint
venture by Pandigital (known for its digital photo frames) and Barnes
and Noble.

http://ebooks.epicauthors.com/

The Pagan & The Pen Reviews for May 20, 2010

 

Holy smokes!! Did she really compare my little historical to "I, Claudius"?? (jaw-dropping)
OMG, she did!!

The God's Wife by Lena Austin
http://thepaganandthepenbookreviews.blogspot.com/2010/05/gods-wife-by-lena-austin.html

Busting the Block

Writer's Block

 

At one point in my life, I didn't believe in writer's block. I was a plotter, and nothing was impossible if it was planned in advance. Now I know differently. Block happens. There's always a chance that some mental stumbling block will occur. Mine is stress and depression in this faltering economy.

I've tried various techniques when facing the block. There are many, and you have to try them all sometimes until you find the one that works. Here are my list of no-fails. I believe others may have more.

1. BICHOK (Butt in chair, Hands on keyboard)-- Sometimes, just making myself sit there and try is a good start. I have trouble just getting my butt in the chair and will make excuses. (It's too hot, let me start this load of laundry, I just need to run this one little errand, etc...)
2. Just Fifteen-- I'll set an electronic timer and promise myself that if I try for just fifteen minutes and can't come up with anything, I'll give myself permission to go play for an hour and try again later. More often than not, in fifteen minutes I'll slap off the annoyance automatically because I'm now deep in the story.
3. Character blogs-- This works very, very well for me. Sometimes I need to sit back and let the characters speak to me. So, I'll set up a blank doc, name it their blog, and let them tell me. This is how I came up with the wildly successful "Flash Point" story, which I'm proud to say is well on its way to outselling even "Room to Play." Tig's blog was an experiment that literally became the book. I've been shocked and surprised at what comes out onto the page. A vampire has told me he was a murder victim, a hero has expressed his pure rage at the hand fate dealt him, and a tramp female let the lady she was inside out.
4. Swap POV-- Let's say you're writing a scene and you're sure this character is the one to tell the tale, but it just won't come out. Try writing it from another perspective. Sometimes the villain wants to speak, or perhaps the sidekick has more angst than you thought. You don't have to include it. Let go and see what happens.
5. Skip it-- For me, sex scenes are a royal pain in the tush. Seriously, they can take me three days of solid sweat, blood and tears. When I am just not interested in sex right now, I'll insert my "Sixteen Steps" notations, fill out what I want to accomplish or note what positions/kinks/angst I have in mind, and move on. This has an added benefit. Sometimes the characters will reveal something else in their personality later you can include, like the wild thought of "I wish he'd tie me up and gag me." Also, this can include a foreshadow of later events, such as an offhand comment like, "I hate high places" and the hero later finds himself on top of a skyscraper with the nasty choice of a risky jump or certain death at the hands of the villain.
6. Play with your toys-- I have a set of artist's mannequins I use for visuals. Sometimes, I need to set them up on the dining room table and create the visual representation of the scene. There's nothing more joyful than remembering the dog followed his mistress into the bedroom with the hero, and now the hero must contend with the big brown eyes staring at him over the edge of the bed and the growls. "She likes it, Rover! Really!" Giggling heroine must convince Rover she really does like it while hero fumes, etc. Then hero trips over the bench she keeps at the foot of the bed, etc. Hey, the living room has a fireplace...have the mage light it before he ravishes her...hmm...Ooops they knocked over the coffee table by rolling around on the floor like that...
7. Research-- Go to the library or whatever is needed. I took a trip to a fire station, visited a natural history museum, and even took a trip to the zoo to study animals for my shifter stories. The zoo is horribly expensive, but a day at the zoo gave me so many shifter ideas, I was making notes on my napkins while we had lunch at the zoo's excellent restaurant. I was sunburned, sweaty, and so tired I fell into bed that night, but the next morning I dove for the keyboard and actually forgot to get a cup of coffee. (Don't faint.)
8. Desperate times...need a vacation-- This is my last resort step to writing. I give myself permission to goof off. I hate doing this, but I'll put away my writing stuff and give myself a week off. Then I call up any one of several folks and take a mental health break with the most insane person I can think of at the moment. For me, that means a trip to the beach and squishing my toes in the sand. That's my "recharge my batteries" day.

9. On Hold--My final step is the most difficult to do. Give it up as a bad story. Let's say you were trapped into writing a story based on a half-assed idea you happen to have mentioned and someone jumped on it. Sometimes those half-baked ideas just don't work out, no matter how much you try. I have three stories I'd love to write, half done and sitting in the hard drive. They won't come out, no matter how I try. So, they're waiting on hold.  Someday, maybe I will write that Atlantis story, or the pirates, or that weird-ass sci-fi. Clearly, not now. 

Plotting for Cheaters

 

Morgan Hawke pointed this out. I'm just passing along the info. She taught us this trick to teach us how to get to the essentials of a plot. "Stripping" a plot from a movie makes sense, because many successful screenwriters use the Vogler system. By stripping a movie plot, you're getting it down to the Vogler plot points, which are the simplest elements and therefore not --I repeat NOT--plagiarism. 


This is important to note-- You must remove all identifying elements like character traits and all setting notations. Practice this with a movie you know well. Keep the remote handy and pause to note every time you recognize a Vogler plot element.


Here are the 12 Basic Elements to refresh your memory.  You may wish to keep this list handy to divide your plot notes up after you've finished the movie.

1.        THE ORDINARY WORLD.  The hero, uneasy, uncomfortable, or unaware, is introduced sympathetically so the audience can identify with the situation or dilemma.  The hero is shown against a background of environment, heredity, and personal history.  Some kind of polarity in the hero's life is pulling in different directions and causing stress.

2.        THE CALL TO ADVENTURE.  Something shakes up the situation, either from external pressures or from something rising up from deep within, so the hero must face the beginnings of change. 

3.        REFUSAL OF THE CALL.  The hero feels the fear of the unknown and tries to turn away from the adventure, however briefly.  Alternately, another character may express the uncertainty and danger ahead.

4.        MEETING WITH THE MENTOR.  The hero comes across a seasoned traveler of the worlds who gives him or her training, equipment, or advice that will help on the journey.  Or the hero reaches within to a source of courage and wisdom.

5.        CROSSING THE THRESHOLD.  At the end of Act One, the hero commits to leaving the Ordinary World and entering a new region or condition with unfamiliar rules and values. 

6.        TESTS, ALLIES AND ENEMIES.  The hero is tested and sorts out allegiances in the Special World.

7.        APPROACH.  The hero and newfound allies prepare for the major challenge in the Special world.

8.        THE ORDEAL.  Near the middle of the story, the hero enters a central space in the Special World and confronts death or faces his or her greatest fear.  Out of the moment of death comes a new life. 

9.        THE REWARD.  The hero takes possession of the treasure won by facing death.  There may be celebration, but there is also danger of losing the treasure again.

10.      THE ROAD BACK.  About three-fourths of the way through the story, the hero is driven to complete the adventure, leaving the Special World to be sure the treasure is brought home.  Often a chase scene signals the urgency and danger of the mission.

11.     THE RESURRECTION.  At the climax, the hero is severely tested once more on the threshold of home.  He or she is purified by a last sacrifice, another moment of death and rebirth, but on a higher and more complete level.  By the hero's action, the polarities that were in conflict at the beginning are finally resolved.

12.       RETURN WITH THE ELIXIR.  The hero returns home or continues the journey, bearing some element of the treasure that has the power to transform the world as the hero has been transformed.

Variations on this theme are expected upon occasion. There is a female version used and quoted at the Vogler site that you may find useful. I personally don't find the feminine version useful, but every author is different.

Why is this not plagiarism? Because you still have to write the blasted thing using your words and your descriptions. This is the same as what happens when two different people witness the same event. I guarantee you, they will not use the same words. Upon occasion, you'll wonder if they even saw the same event. Really.

Try it with a writer friend. Agree upon a stripped movie plot and go write. You may write your specialty--high fantasy. Your friend may end up with romantic suspense. For example, have you noted the similarities between the plots of "Avatar" and "Pocahontas"? One is science fiction. One is children's literature. Yet, the plots are remarkably similar.

Scrappy Gifts To Give

Karen DeAngelo and I were talking this morning and we wondered just how many scrappy gifts we could come up with. This is our list. Can you come up with more?

Definition of Scrappy for my blog friends: Scraps leftover from projects.

Scrappy Gifts to Give

Bookmarks

Hackysacks/beanie balls for children

Grocery bags

Plastic Grocery Bag tubes for recycling

Lunch bags

Ipod/Cell/Messenger bags

Eyeglasses case

Puppets, Teddy bears, and stuffed beanies

Tooth Fairy Pillows

Ring Bearer Pillows

Neck pillows and U-shaped Travel Pillows

Spa sets (slippers, tote, do-rag and scrubbie)

Potpourri balls and bowls

Journal covers, photo albums, guest registers

Book and Bible cover totes

Poppets and pet toys (catnip mice and chase balls)

Pillowcases

Scrunchies and hair accessories

Gift/Wine bags

Small Appliance covers

Casserole/Crock Pot totes

Tea Cozies

Aprons

Placemats, runners, napkins, table cloths, napkin rings

Holiday themed plate chargers

Silverware set holders

Picnic sets

Pouches

Coasters

Table toppers and altar cloths

Cookie tin and basket liners

Pencil/Bucket cup liners

Car seat organizers/visor organizers

Totes, Purses, Folded Purses

Sewing table sandbags, under machine organizers, sewing machine cover

Curtains

Wall décor/Wall safes

Sewing hams

Needle case/rolls/books

Pin cushions

Clothespin holders

Hat and Glove holder

Closet safe on a hanger

Jar toppers

Humor: Universal Truths

I definitely agree with most of these, especially #1.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your
computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I
know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did
not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn
it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to
voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run
away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call. (I'm not ignoring you. You just talk too damn much.)

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with booze than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps and MapQuest had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and
suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw
it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than
take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish
a text.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever. That's what my DH thinks, anyway.

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year? Pull up your damn pants! You want a real job, or are you going to say, "Do you want fries with that?" for the rest of your unnatural life?

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going
to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but
no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

"We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as
they go by."

The Duchess Goes to the Symphony

I'll bet you never knew the Duchess of Depravity likes classical music. Well, I do. Though my normal preferences run to Bach and Mozart, last night was Rachmaninoff's Third Concerto, plus the premier of a local composer's work, "First Coast Fanfare" and the Jacksonville Symphony's Choir sang Mendelssohn. Whew! Full evening.

I got all dolled up in my favorite blood red silk pantsuit and pearls, too. What? I refuse to wear a dress. Ain't happening. I even got married in a silk and linen pantsuit. This Duchess doesn't do pantyhose unless forced at gunpoint. Yeah, I looked like a proper old lady. Even Dante looked pretty snazzy in his suit, but our host Mark is such a handsome devil, he'd outshine everyone.

The premier of "First Coast Fanfare" by Piotr Szewczyk was lovely, IMHO. Mark and Dante were less impressed and even called it a "cacophony." Well, too bad. I thought it did a marvelous job of expressing how diverse the local culture is, from the Caribbean flavor to the thunderstorms to the congested traffic of downtown. Mr. Szewczyk was also one of the first chair violinists, so I was doubly impressed.

Then came the chorus and symphony with some expressive renditions of Mendelssohn's Psalm 98 and 114, in both German and English.

Then, the highlight of the evening was Mr. Arnaldo Cohen on the piano, playing Rachmaninoff Third Concerto No. 3 in D minor by memory. Yeah, the man played the entire 40 minutes without a single sheet of music in front of him, with his fingers flying most of the entire time. Wow! He deserved those incredible curtain calls. I was in awe after the first five minutes.

After the concert, we three decided to walk across to the Omni hotel for a drink in the lounge while the traffic settled. Lo and behold, who should walk in but Mr. Arnaldo Cohen himself! We thanked him for his brilliant performance and allowed the poor man to rest, have a drink, and enjoy his meal. I excused myself for a quick little comfort break, and when I came back, the guys had a little gift for me. They'd asked Mr. Cohen to sign my program book!

Whee! I had a little fan-girl moment. Oh yes, I did! This man was a member of the famous Amadeus Trio for five years! He's like a rock star for the classical set. I'll probably mark my program with a beaded book thong to remind me why I kept it and put it on the shelf, but it's a lovely memento of a glorious evening.

Humor: The Bulwer-Lytton contest entrants

I couldn't find if these were this year's entries, but I'm amused.

1. With a  curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned unblemished oval face  framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long  black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition, and a small straight  nose, Marilee had a beauty that defied description.

7. Andre, a simple  peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall:  "Andre creep... Andre creep... Andre creep."

6. Stanislaus Smedley, a  man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and  soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he  loved.

5. Although Sarah had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep  her from eking out a living at a local pet store.

4. Stanley looked  quite bored and somewhat detached, but then penguins often do.

3. Like  an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent  remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor.

2. Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word "fear," a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.

AND THE WINNER IS...

1. The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, hand at throat, crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You lied!"

The high price of foreclosure and bankruptcy

A helpful and loving friend and I had a private conversation going about bankruptcy and foreclosure. In these hard economic times, with my DH out of work for the second time in the past year, I think it's time I let folks know what it's like to lose everything--your job, your home, your credit, and finally your self-esteem.

Be very grateful if you've never had the experience. I can't think of anything more humiliating than bankruptcy and foreclosure. Your life is destroyed and you're treated like scum, even if you paid your mortgage and bills on time for over ten years. No matter how well you did before, you find yourself living in the poorest neighborhoods or out in the boondocks in a trailer.

Six months of bad luck becomes six years of hell, because you can't even get good jobs without someone pulling your credit report. Even the IRS is an enemy, because bankruptcy and foreclosure counts as "forgiveness of debt" and is therefore income you must pay upon. They'll work with you, but you now have a crushing $200 debt per month to the IRS, another to the state, and you'd better not think about skipping a payment. Eat ramen noodles, if you have to. You learn to do without. It can take over five years to pay back everything owed, and if you are late once, tack on late fees and penalties.

Now try to get a job. The good jobs are out of your reach. Even if they ignore your worn clothing and rattletrap car, once they pull your credit report, you're politely but firmly shown the door. Therefore, you can't have the good jobs, so you stay in the poorest tax brackets and it becomes a pile of quicksand you can't escape from for seven to ten years. Worse, many companies are now going to internet-only applications. Don't have a computer or internet access? Go to the library, where you must wait your turn or work in short increments. Yeah, drive and waste gas or take the bus. Every day. Because they may email you back.

Learn to pay cash or do without. Shop thrift stores and swallow your pride to sift through the trash at the street, if you see a likely prospect. Learn to refinish furniture (if you can find a place that will allow you to do so, like a friend's garage), paint covers a multitude of sins (don't get any paint on the apartment patio or else), and Febreeze doesn't cover up all the smells. Don't forget to spray for bugs, or you'll find cockroaches and fleas are your new roommates.

Vacation? What's that? Forget it. Even if they offered vacation to the lowest scum in the factory --which they don't-- you can't afford to take it. You dread the winter holidays, knowing the factory shuts down for two weeks so the foremen and office staff can have their lovely holidays and ski trips, while you pray you've saved enough to make it through for a month with no income. (Two weeks off, plus two weeks after work starts before you get paid again.) You learn to handcraft gifts so you can at least give the kids a present, and smile bravely to wish each other "Merry Christmas and I love you" even though you couldn't afford more than a token dollar store present for your spouse. So what if the tree is a teeny three-foot Charlie Brown special you decorated with popcorn and whatever you could find? You have the holiday spirit, don't you? Stop crying. You're upsetting the family.

Pray your car holds out throughout the long drought. You can barely make rent. (Food, clothing, and shelter...pick any two.) If the car dies and can't be resurrected by a shade tree mechanic (aka DH and his tools) then he's going to be begging for rides to the factory or riding the bus. Imagine having to get on the bus at 6 AM and hoping you make it to work by 8 AM because you live in the poor neighborhood or boondocks at the far end of a bus route and two transfers, not to mention the long walk to the nearest stop. Repeat that two hour journey from 5 PM until you walk in the door about 7 PM, no matter what the weather. Your boss won't forgive you more than once if the bus is late. You will eventually lose your job, so plan on stocking up on those ramen noodles again to buy a beater car that breaks down regularly.

The pets suffer too. You can't afford to go to the vet for those fancy --and expensive-- flea drops. God forbid they get sick! You can sometimes participate in special charity events for spaying and neutering, but you have to have up to date shot records in hand, and licenses. Sometimes it's better just to arrange for the pet to be put to sleep, if the illness is the bad kind. Don't get another, no matter how much you miss the fur persons, or you're dooming that pet with you. Remember, if you have to move to a place where they don't allow pets, then your dear friend who trusts you must go to a shelter. In these economic times, the no-kill shelters are full, so you must risk giving your fur baby to a place that may kill them if no one adopts them in time. If you can't live with that, then don't get another pet.

Now let's move to the real heartbreaker-- the kids. The kids suffer the most. First, they lose the home they've loved. Sometimes they end up sharing a bedroom in the new place because there's no extra bedrooms to spare. Everyone is cramped and uncomfortable. There's no room for extra hobbies, and Mom's now trying to work on her novel at the dining room table while they do their homework at the other end. Dad's watching tv only a few feet away, distracting everyone unless they all have earbuds and mp3 players. Yep, that's family time. Yippee. So the kids begin to find other places to get away, like friends' homes or places with more lenient rules/less supervision. Bobby's mom works nights as a waitress, and his Dad drinks beer and ignores them, so they are free to get into trouble of all kinds. Pretty soon, the kids are immersed in the poor neighborhood's schools and street culture, where teen rebellion goes way beyond coloring your hair purple and wearing black Goth clothes. Rebellion that leads to gangs and jail. Good luck sheltering them. Teens already hate and resent their parents and will do anything to get away and do whatever the parents disapprove of. You're doomed. Welcome to being a grandmother before you're forty, if you have daughters.

There are good points to all this. No one is calling you on the phone demanding money you can't pay. Your bills are reduced down to only essentials, and you've learned to budget. Apartments have dishwashers and pools-- luxuries you haven't had for years. They are limited in space, so you learn not to be a pack rat and keep only the essentials, not storing that ugly lamp just because Aunt Tessie gave it to you. Neatness really does count. A lot.

You learn what's really important in your life, and it's not things, but the intangible stuff like love and loyalty. You really learn who your friends are because they stuck with you even when you didn't throw great parties and cried on their shoulder. They helped you move to the apartment and brought pizza when you couldn't afford anything but those damned ramen noodles. Even if you swore you'd never eat ramen noodles again, you know you can.

You've grown a spine of steel and you know you can survive just about anything.

http://www.changelingpress.com/special_event.php

Lena Austin
http://www.LenaAustin.com
Writing blog: http://depravedduchess.blogspot.com
Recipe and Pagan blog: http://third-infinity.blogspot.com
Low Carb Diet blog: http://fatfrogdiary.blogspot.com

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Emergency Preparedness

As some who know me may remember, I'm a big one for organization. Years ago, I found a place where women like myself can share organizing tips and tricks--FlyLady.com. This came across my email this morning from FlyLady:

Note: I added a few comments.

11 Points of Preparedness in Case of Evacuation

flylady, 5/2/2010 8:23 pm

11 Points of Preparedness in case of Evacuation

Dear Friends,

With all the flooding in Tennessee and tornado season upon us, are you prepared to evacuate?

Here it is that time of year again when we are faced with the threat of Evacuation from our homes. We never know when we this could happen because of fire, tornadoes, storms, floods or hurricanes.

It is up to us to be prepared! Don't wait think this can't happen to you. We have seen power outages from ice storms and raging fires down under. Please take this plan and pull it together to help keep you calm in a storm.

1. PEOPLE: Have a plan for getting out of the house and make sure everyone knows it. Have an emergency bag of food and water for your family. Include wholesome snacks and treats for the children: dried fruit, nuts, peanut butter, crackers, and granola bars.

2. PETS: Keep pet carriers and leashes readily available to lead pets to safety. Also, take pet food with you.

3. PICTURES: Keep negatives or CDs of pictures in a lock box or at a family member's home. Have picture albums in one place ready to grab and go at a moments notice. If you have time, scan the most precious and upload to a trusted picture site like Photobucket or Flickr. These online storage methods will ensure you don't even have to carry CD's.

4. PAPERS: Have all your important papers in a lock box at a bank and only keep copies at the house. This keeps you from panicking. If you have them at home then put them in a folder that you can easily grab if you have to move fast. Color-code it so you can find it! Again, online storage can help here too. Scan these items and email them to yourself. If you use Yahoo or Gmail, you can store these emails in folders online.

5. PRESCRIPTIONS: Take your medications with you. Don't forget the ones that have to be refrigerated like insulin. Have small ice chest and cold packs readily accessible to pack and go. If you have babies, remember their formula or medications.

6. PURSES and PETROL: This is where you keep your identification, credit cards, and cash. Keep a stash of cash for emergencies and grab it. You may not be able to use an ATM in the event of a power outage. Make sure your car always has a half a tank of gas.

7. PROPER CLOTHES and COMFORT ITEMS: According to the weather conditions; gather up a change of clothes along with outer clothing: coats, rain gear, boots, gloves and hats. If you have babies remember diapers. Remember to grab your children's favorite blanket, stuffed animal, or toy. A game or a deck of cards could keep them occupied and calm too.

8. PLANNER/CALENDAR/CONTROL JOURNAL: These documents have all the information you will need from phone numbers, insurance numbers, and important dates. They are small and filled with things you don't have to try to remember.

9. PERSONAL PROTECTION: Many of us still have that time of the month. Be sure and grab a box of your preferred protection. It may be hard to find if you have been evacuated. Stress can cause our bodies to do strange things too. So be prepared. Take medication for cramps too.

10. PHONES, RADIOS, FUEL FOR THE CAR: Many of us have cell phones now. Always keep them charged up and have a charger in the car or an extra battery. They may not work in the event of power outages, but then they might. Know which local radio station has emergency bulletins. Keep your battery-powered radio tuned to that local station and have plenty of batteries for it. Also keep a old type regular phone that does not operate with electricity. GAS PUMPS don't work without power either. You can't leave if your car is on empty. So, keep your car fuel tank topped off when it hits a half of tank. This way you will have gas to drive at least a couple of hours. Evacuation routes are usually bumper-to-bumper traffic. Having a tank filled will keep you less stressed.

11. PATIENCE: This is one of the most important things to pack. Keep it inside of you so that you have a clear calm head. Having your P's to Preparedness list guiding you will keep you patient. In the event of an evacuation there will be lots of displaced people. Being patient will make things less stressful. Your children need to see you calm and collected. This will help keep them calm too.

We can FLY in the face of Danger and Emergency if we are prepared. Don't wait till you are being asked to evacuate. Everyone thinks that it could not happen to them. Well it could and it is up to you to make sure you are prepared.

Don't wait! DO IT NOW!!

http://www.changelingpress.com/special_event.php

Lena Austin
http://www.LenaAustin.com
Writing blog: http://depravedduchess.blogspot.com
Recipe and Pagan blog: http://third-infinity.blogspot.com
Low Carb Diet blog: http://fatfrogdiary.blogspot.com