Foreplay before the Foreplay

Men are simple — and that's not an insult when we're talking about sexual arousal! You know the drill: You give your partner that "come hither" eye or break out some sexy lingerie and it instantly gets him in the mood. Well, it takes a little more than that to get the sensual juices flowing for many women. In fact, it's often activities that have absolutely nothing to do with sex that make women want to do it in the first place.

Sound confusing? Well, it's really not. Foreplay starts long before you ever make it into the bedroom! It turns out that women whose partners pay attention to them outside the boudoir are more likely to feel sexual when he's in the mood. It can start with the simple act of him helping pack the kids' lunches or taking care of that pile of laundry that has sat there all day. And it's not just about the drudgery of daily chores! Men who check in with their partners emotionally — even if it's an hour of cuddle time in front of the TV at night or a conversation about the day — create the intimacy women crave.

Ultimately, it's that caring and sharing that women really look for in a long-term relationship. While hormones and neurochemicals take care of sex in the beginning, it's what we put into a relationship later on that keeps the sex coming (or going) for life!

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I have to agree with Dr. Berman. I’ve found that while the men in my life can be easily aroused, many of my women friends and I talk about living in an emotional desert and then suddenly being asked to flame on. It does take more than a “Hey, baby! Ya wanna?”

That’s why I love what I do. I create a temporary oasis in the emotional desert of our lives where we may indulge in a few fantasies. Therefore, when the opportunity does arise (pun intended) we have a wellspring of pre-foreplay that has prepared us for a bit of fun.

Let’s face it. Few men I know can take the time or imagination to set up a fantasy. Those few who do are very much in demand. My DH has one day off a week, and many requests for his time and energy. I have to be ready when he is, not the other way around.

I don’t wait for him to create my foreplay. I make it happen with my own fantasies, and you know what? I get more out of the frisky play that way, because it’s all what I want and need.

This week, I’m feeling the need for a little bit of vampires. Where’s my CD of Danse Macabre? The red silk sheets are on the bed, the candles are placed around the room, the “bleeding” wine goblets are ready, and I’m hunting up the black lingerie. DH is going to have a little surprise. I think he’ll bite…don’t you?