Pirating Rant

So, I got up early this morning, intent on having some alone time with my new laptop (on sale at Best Buy and bought out of necessity. Long story. Don't ask) to learn how to use the little black square instead of a mouse. Not easy for an old lady with stiff fingers, let me tell you! Anyway, what do I behold in my email but another dreaded Google Alert. I forgot today was Sunday, when Google informs me where my pseudonym appears on the net. Normally, I know where they are already, but lately at least one or two are pirating alerts. (sigh) As usual, I check them out and pass them on to Andrea, our cybercop for her to deal with. (Blessing Andrea's name, heart, and worshipping at her feet are optional, but recommended.)

I realize some pirates feel they have the right to steal my work and steal what little money I get. I damn sure ain't Nora Roberts, honey! If I had to live on my income, I'd be typing from a cardboard box under a bridge. They're positive I won't miss a few copies. The math is simple, even for morons with defective moral standards. If you assume I make one dollar from every book sold, which is close to accurate, then 1000 copies downloaded for free is $1000 I don't get and could make a sizeable dent in my mortgage payment.

Today, however, takes the cake. On a new site I've never heard of, someone is already asking for a copy of my upcoming Collection, Night Critters!! My god, the darn book hasn't even released yet. Can't I earn a little before you steal me blind?

Kate Douglas recently announced that, thanks to piracy, she's closing out her incredibly successful Wolf Tales series. She even hinted that she, wonderfully talented and beloved by her fans, is disheartened and hurt by the piracy enough to rethink her career. The pirates are driving even the best in the business out of business.

I know I regularly question my career choice these days. With my family struggling just to pay our mortgage and the economy in the toilet, I've seriously considered offering myself up to (gulp) a temp agency in hopes of making enough money to keep my struggling family afloat. Early in my career, we lost our home to foreclosure and bankruptcy, and I can tell you the humiliation sticks with you for a very long time, not to mention the IRS bill. We're still paying Uncle Sam almost a decade after that foreclosure.

Anyway, so here I sit, wondering why I sit for hours at my keyboard, sweat deadlines, and ruin my hands with carpal tunnel when I could make three times as much with a "real" job. It would be nice to only work forty hours, come home, prop my feet up, and watch TV with the DH. Gee, what's it like to have weekends off? What's it like to be a safely anonymous figure in the crowd instead of promoting everywhere I go? I'm really beginning to consider freshening up that resume, because it's bad when a romance writer ain't feeling the love.

Lena Austin
http://www.lenaaustin.com/

When the Muse Won't Shut Up

It was three AM. My dreams weren't the sweet release of the subconscious, but a worried rehash and argument with my characters of my latest book. Like a critique partner had said in an email, they agreed I'd ended the book too abruptly and "too soon."

Like so many authors, I hate a book by the time I'm done with it. Really. I loved the characters through most of the story, but as I slogged through the process of writing, the tedious details of making sure the reader could see what I saw slowly ate away at my joy until I loathed the whole thing and longed to toss the whole manuscript out the window and delete the files. Only long experience kept me in my chair, grinding my teeth and slogging through.

My editor, bless her, knows me well. She knows a few of the right words at the right time keep me going. She also knows how much I despise a book when I finally turn it in. She wisely takes her time and never gives me a book back in less than a week, no matter how quickly she finishes a first round of edits. In one week, I've had enough time to rest where I realize that I did rush things, or forgot to include a scene, or whatever. Then she hands the edits back to me with more encouraging words.

This time has proven no different. I finished the first draft yesterday, and typically, I want to torch it. I want to do evil things to the characters that have nothing to do with the story. Despite a sleeping pill, the bastards woke me up with nagging comments about how my crit partner was right.

1. They agreed with her that, while the fight scene worked, there's no adequate bridge that makes the peaceful scene that follows work. It's jarring. However, they also agree that nothing much happened other than their wedding.

2. Then they remind me that they don't like tuxes, and neither of them are a drag queen, so now my mind burns with the question of what do gay men wear for a wedding when they hate tuxes, aren't transvestites, and don't get into "weird costume dramas disguised as weddings"?

(I hate those bastards.)

3. Then the Dire Wolf points out that I've established certain shifter species were around as far back as the Pleistocene era of history. The armchair paleontologist in me goes nuts, saying I have to now return with these characters to discover other Pleistocene creatures and explain why the shifters evolved and who went extinct or evolved into creatures we know today. ::Headdesk::

4. Then those bastards point out that I've now established a precedent for a paranormal detective agency with paranormal PI's solving crimes and mysteries. Don't I want to go play with the chupacabre detective, the banshee receptionist, and (who the hell is this??) the "reformed" succubus detective who falls for a defrocked priest? ::scream::

Sadly, they're right. (I'm trying not to shudder and reach for my DH's lighter.) Even more sadly, I'm over my word count and way past my deadline. Likely, my editor and I will have to attack what I've written with a machete, not a scalpel. That's fine. That's what my editor is for. She keeps me from looking like a chump. She and my crit partners keep alternately pounding on my back encouragingly or bopping me upside the head for being a moron. I love them for it.

Yeah, being a writer means I live inside a masochistic sort of insane asylum with people actually encouraging the inmates to commit maximum mayhem. I am not in charge. There's a bipolar sadistic muse in charge. Who let her in?? Oh. Yeah. Me.

The high price of foreclosure and bankruptcy

A helpful and loving friend and I had a private conversation going about bankruptcy and foreclosure. In these hard economic times, with my DH out of work for the second time in the past year, I think it's time I let folks know what it's like to lose everything--your job, your home, your credit, and finally your self-esteem.

Be very grateful if you've never had the experience. I can't think of anything more humiliating than bankruptcy and foreclosure. Your life is destroyed and you're treated like scum, even if you paid your mortgage and bills on time for over ten years. No matter how well you did before, you find yourself living in the poorest neighborhoods or out in the boondocks in a trailer.

Six months of bad luck becomes six years of hell, because you can't even get good jobs without someone pulling your credit report. Even the IRS is an enemy, because bankruptcy and foreclosure counts as "forgiveness of debt" and is therefore income you must pay upon. They'll work with you, but you now have a crushing $200 debt per month to the IRS, another to the state, and you'd better not think about skipping a payment. Eat ramen noodles, if you have to. You learn to do without. It can take over five years to pay back everything owed, and if you are late once, tack on late fees and penalties.

Now try to get a job. The good jobs are out of your reach. Even if they ignore your worn clothing and rattletrap car, once they pull your credit report, you're politely but firmly shown the door. Therefore, you can't have the good jobs, so you stay in the poorest tax brackets and it becomes a pile of quicksand you can't escape from for seven to ten years. Worse, many companies are now going to internet-only applications. Don't have a computer or internet access? Go to the library, where you must wait your turn or work in short increments. Yeah, drive and waste gas or take the bus. Every day. Because they may email you back.

Learn to pay cash or do without. Shop thrift stores and swallow your pride to sift through the trash at the street, if you see a likely prospect. Learn to refinish furniture (if you can find a place that will allow you to do so, like a friend's garage), paint covers a multitude of sins (don't get any paint on the apartment patio or else), and Febreeze doesn't cover up all the smells. Don't forget to spray for bugs, or you'll find cockroaches and fleas are your new roommates.

Vacation? What's that? Forget it. Even if they offered vacation to the lowest scum in the factory --which they don't-- you can't afford to take it. You dread the winter holidays, knowing the factory shuts down for two weeks so the foremen and office staff can have their lovely holidays and ski trips, while you pray you've saved enough to make it through for a month with no income. (Two weeks off, plus two weeks after work starts before you get paid again.) You learn to handcraft gifts so you can at least give the kids a present, and smile bravely to wish each other "Merry Christmas and I love you" even though you couldn't afford more than a token dollar store present for your spouse. So what if the tree is a teeny three-foot Charlie Brown special you decorated with popcorn and whatever you could find? You have the holiday spirit, don't you? Stop crying. You're upsetting the family.

Pray your car holds out throughout the long drought. You can barely make rent. (Food, clothing, and shelter...pick any two.) If the car dies and can't be resurrected by a shade tree mechanic (aka DH and his tools) then he's going to be begging for rides to the factory or riding the bus. Imagine having to get on the bus at 6 AM and hoping you make it to work by 8 AM because you live in the poor neighborhood or boondocks at the far end of a bus route and two transfers, not to mention the long walk to the nearest stop. Repeat that two hour journey from 5 PM until you walk in the door about 7 PM, no matter what the weather. Your boss won't forgive you more than once if the bus is late. You will eventually lose your job, so plan on stocking up on those ramen noodles again to buy a beater car that breaks down regularly.

The pets suffer too. You can't afford to go to the vet for those fancy --and expensive-- flea drops. God forbid they get sick! You can sometimes participate in special charity events for spaying and neutering, but you have to have up to date shot records in hand, and licenses. Sometimes it's better just to arrange for the pet to be put to sleep, if the illness is the bad kind. Don't get another, no matter how much you miss the fur persons, or you're dooming that pet with you. Remember, if you have to move to a place where they don't allow pets, then your dear friend who trusts you must go to a shelter. In these economic times, the no-kill shelters are full, so you must risk giving your fur baby to a place that may kill them if no one adopts them in time. If you can't live with that, then don't get another pet.

Now let's move to the real heartbreaker-- the kids. The kids suffer the most. First, they lose the home they've loved. Sometimes they end up sharing a bedroom in the new place because there's no extra bedrooms to spare. Everyone is cramped and uncomfortable. There's no room for extra hobbies, and Mom's now trying to work on her novel at the dining room table while they do their homework at the other end. Dad's watching tv only a few feet away, distracting everyone unless they all have earbuds and mp3 players. Yep, that's family time. Yippee. So the kids begin to find other places to get away, like friends' homes or places with more lenient rules/less supervision. Bobby's mom works nights as a waitress, and his Dad drinks beer and ignores them, so they are free to get into trouble of all kinds. Pretty soon, the kids are immersed in the poor neighborhood's schools and street culture, where teen rebellion goes way beyond coloring your hair purple and wearing black Goth clothes. Rebellion that leads to gangs and jail. Good luck sheltering them. Teens already hate and resent their parents and will do anything to get away and do whatever the parents disapprove of. You're doomed. Welcome to being a grandmother before you're forty, if you have daughters.

There are good points to all this. No one is calling you on the phone demanding money you can't pay. Your bills are reduced down to only essentials, and you've learned to budget. Apartments have dishwashers and pools-- luxuries you haven't had for years. They are limited in space, so you learn not to be a pack rat and keep only the essentials, not storing that ugly lamp just because Aunt Tessie gave it to you. Neatness really does count. A lot.

You learn what's really important in your life, and it's not things, but the intangible stuff like love and loyalty. You really learn who your friends are because they stuck with you even when you didn't throw great parties and cried on their shoulder. They helped you move to the apartment and brought pizza when you couldn't afford anything but those damned ramen noodles. Even if you swore you'd never eat ramen noodles again, you know you can.

You've grown a spine of steel and you know you can survive just about anything.

http://www.changelingpress.com/special_event.php

Lena Austin
http://www.LenaAustin.com
Writing blog: http://depravedduchess.blogspot.com
Recipe and Pagan blog: http://third-infinity.blogspot.com
Low Carb Diet blog: http://fatfrogdiary.blogspot.com

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Pirates, Thieves, and Enemies

I can't believe this. Flash Point is already on pirate sites ::sob:: In fact, many of my books are now available for free. "Pirate" is too good a word for scum who steal. Let's call them what they really are-- thieves.

This is not Johnny Depp. These folks aren't nearly as handsome, and they damn sure don't have a good heart. They're still thieves stealing from little old ladies, widows, and the poor. Most ebook authors are not rich, and may are suffering more than most in this economy. Some don't have other means of income and no health insurance. Besides, when does stealing become okay if you only steal from folks you assume (incorrectly) can afford the loss?

This is not Robin Hood, and you're not stealing from the rich to give to the poor. You're just stealing. Plain and simple. It doesn't matter if you're not making a profit from what you have stolen. Theft is still theft. Buying one copy and then redistributing it is still illegal use of an item, like buying a gun and then using it to commit a felony.

How would you like it if someone burst into your home and took the paycheck from your hand? Yep, that's what e-piracy does to the authors who worked, often for weeks, to get a story down on paper. What? You think it only takes a few hours to bang out a story? No, stupid. It takes an average of a week for every 5K-10K words, depending on the author's situation and abilities. Therefore, a novella can be up to FOUR WEEKS of work, and a novel much longer. Yeah, you go work at your job for a month and have someone steal your income. See how you feel then.

Senators, you're losing tax dollars. Quite a few, since you tax individual authors like independent businesses, not at individual rates. We pay more than our "fair share" and that's only a small portion of what we could earn if we weren't losing so much to e-pirates who hide behind ISP's in foreign countries.

Someone tell me why I write and publish again? Why should I sweat, swear, and cry over telling these stories when someone is just going to steal my work and give it away for free?

Government won't help, and publishers can't help me, so I have to make the bad decision. I will no longer be giving away my ebooks in any form, nor will I be able to afford to purchase gift certificates on a regular basis because of the reduction in my income.

In fact, I've lost so much income to the theft of my books that I'm now working part-time again, cutting further into my ability to write. Don't try to blame the economy. My DH got a job in September and has been working ever since. We're still behind on our mortgage, but we're catching up slowly. That "catch up" can't happen without my income. We have a budget dependent on everyone making a certain figure. When my royalties are 1/3 of their usual, I have to make up that deficit, and so I went out and got a "real" job. Blame it on the thieves who dare to give themselves the romantic name of pirates and think they're being Robin Hood instead of what they really are-- thieves.

Sharper than a serpent's tooth is the fact that it's probably someone who dares to call herself or himself my fan and friend and smile to my face. Someone who thinks I'm good enough to read, but not good enough to pay fair and square for my books. Some friend. Some fan. With friends like you, who needs enemies? At least my enemies have the courage to be honest and hate me openly. I'd rather have an honest enemy than a false friend.

Lena Austin
http://www.LenaAustin.com
Writing blog: http://depravedduchess.blogspot.com
Recipe and Pagan blog: http://third-infinity.blogspot.com
Low Carb Diet blog: http://fatfrogdiary.blogspot.com

E-Piracy Reprise

Today I just learned I have lost close to $1000 in royalties thanks to pirates in the past two weeks. That's my mortgage payment on our house. My husband was out of work for six months, until recently. We swallowed our pride, borrowed, held garage sales, and wept futile tears until a miracle occurred and my aging husband was able to find a job. Now we're struggling to catch up against mounting late fees and penalties. That $1000 would have given us a much-needed break, but thanks to e-pirates who claim to be my fans, I'm worrying and wringing my hands as the end of the month approaches.

Sharon Marie Bidwell wrote this back in July. I can't say it any better. The highlights are my own emphasis.

To the person who left me a comment...
…saying they may look like spam but assuring me their comment wasn’t, your site looks like…well, spam. You say you’re not a publisher and yet you’re making money selling free ebooks? This is an oxymoron. If you are selling books they’re not ‘free’. Secondly, you say you’re not a writer so where are you getting these books from? Are you selling other people’s free ebooks? If you’re doing so without their permission you are in violation of copyright law. If you are buying ebooks and selling them on, you are in violation of copyright law. On both counts, I advise you to read the statement that runs in my side bar. If you are doing something else, which I don’t understand, my apologies, but no, I’m not going to download your report file from a site that says very little. For all I know it could be a virus. I’d advise everyone else not to do so either. This isn’t personal. I’m just being sensibly cautious. Sorry.
Look, copyright law on ebooks is simple. You cannot copy, distribute, resell or loan an ebook. Saying that, most of us wouldn’t object if we heard you’ve made yourself a back-up copy purely for your own personal use. We live in a wonderful age of technology but technology fails us from time to time. We hear you’re selling our work and we’ll come down on you like the proverbial ton of bricks. Writers and publishers are getting better at locating piracy sites and law enforcement is finally taking it seriously.
The most common question we hear is “If I can resell or loan a printed book, why can’t I as a reader resell or loan ebooks?” To be honest, even the reselling or lending of some printed books is a grey area. However, it tends to be overlooked because of several reasons.
Most people hate the idea of printed books being destroyed. If you’re finished with them and cannot pass them on in some way they are only good for recycling.
When a printed book is passed on, someone may find an author they like and start buying new books by that author on a regular basis. It’s sort of free-advertising and yes, one could argue this would apply to ebooks but there’s a major difference and reason why this doesn’t work so read on.
Many second-hand books are sold for charity purposes.
You are giving up your physical edition of the book and will no longer own it.
Point 4 is the major one. When you give, sell, or loan a printed book you give away the item you purchased. Even when loaning it, you risk not getting it back. You are not making a ‘physical copy’ of that book to pass it on.
When you pass an ebook on (and some people do this in innocence not piracy but they are still in the wrong) the reader tends to ‘keep’ their version and simply send the file on, thereby making a ‘copy’. I can assure you that this is just as illegal in printed works.
Imagine you took one of Stephen King’s novels, dissected it, scanned it in, printed it up either by POD (good luck — they would spot what you are doing in a flash), or via the printer at home, and tried to give it away, sell it, or hand to a friend. Should SK find out do you think he wouldn’t sue your arse off? Oh yes, he would!
The point is you are not allowed to make a ‘copy’ of any written work be it printed or electronic. You may (usually) print off an electronic book with the purpose of reading it in that form should you not wish to read on screen, but that printed form is subject to the same laws. You may not sell it, or pass it on. If you wish to pass on an ebook the only viable way to do this is buy an extra copy, and what’s so wrong with that? We all have people to buy presents for.
Oh…and to those who think they can file share their ebook library, has nothing I’ve stated sunk in? Besides, you are NOT a library and did you know that even if you were there is such a thing as the ‘public lending right’? This means that an author can, if they wish, claim a small payment every time a library lends one of their books. So next time you choose to file share, don’t be surprised should you receive a letter from the authors asking for an audit of the number of ‘loans’ and demanding payment from you!
You are not a publisher and the author has not signed a contract with you. You do not have the right to sell.
You are not an official state library. You do not have the right to loan (and let’s be honest — loan in electronic format means copy and give away).
You are not friends with thousands of strangers online that you simply ‘must’ lend your books to (and we’ve already established that you are not lending but copying) and authors and publishers will not turn their back on you ‘giving’ their work away.
I’m not speaking to those who are deliberately committing an act of piracy. They know they are breaking the law, damaging authors and the publishing industry, and they just don’t care. The most we can do is assure them that while there will always be crooks there will always be those willing to fight them. I’m speaking mainly to those that do this in innocence, not understanding that they are doing anything wrong. You claim to love us as writers. You claim to love our work. We do work — hard — at this. Most of us have day jobs, families, lives just like you. We have to find time to write on top of all that. We often forsake sleep. Many don’t make as much money as you think and even if we did, haven’t we ‘earned’ it? You love our characters, our worlds, our stories. You claim to love our work and even to love us. Why do something fundamentally harmful to someone or something you love?
Did you know there are pirate copies of the “I Do” anthology out there? A book I took part in for charity. The thought that people can be so low as to steal from charity has made some of us authors want to puke. If you’re doing this in innocence or not, rest assured, we’re very upset with you.

Lena again__ I personally know three authors who have been forced to stop writing BECAUSE of e-pirates. The authors could not sell enough works legitimately through royalty-paying services to justify remaining writers. One now works as a waitress because it's the only job she could find and she still earns more in one night than she did in any given month as a published author.

I would love to find some super-geek who'd write me a worm that I could upload into Astatalk.com and all the other e-pirate sites. When I see notes in the Comments sections under my books that ask not only for my entire book list but also for information on how not to get busted, I know these folks aren't innocently sharing. They know they're committing a crime and they don't care. They deserve to have a worm destroy their system, steal their identities and all the money in their bank accounts, then pass it on to the poor authors and artists they've ruined.

Merry Friggin' Christmas.

We Learned an Important Lesson

After six months of unemployment and almost losing our home to foreclosure, DH has a job at long last. In fact, it's such a good job, we're scared to celebrate. It's one of those "too good to be true" jobs, doing what he loves and was trained to do, for a company that seems to appreciate an older military veteran.

We learned an important lesson we're passing on to my daughter Susan's boyfriend-almost-fiancee. In fact, we're telling every military person we know to take advantage of the military's college offerings. My DH could have had his degree in Electrical Engineering long before he retired. He was only a couple of credits away, but he hated "school" and felt it was beneath him. He was positive he could get an electronics job and work for some company until he reached age 65.

We found out very quickly upon his retirement from the Navy just how little civilian companies think of military service and education. Without the sheepskin, you're as low as those high school graduates, and twenty years of experience barely gets you a nod. DH had no "proof" he could wire and run any form of communications or detection electronics known to God and man, and teaching the subject for ten years was less than nothing.

To say the least, it was a bitter blow. We have suffered every hit on the economy because Randy couldn't find positions better than repairing ATMs or building fans in a factory. Every year, as his hair turns whiter, the jobs he can find become more and more menial. We're hoping at least this company can learn to appreciate him.

Contests and Prizes-- The Author's side of the story

I'm very disheartened today. I learned of the existence of reader groups specifically set up for those who want to win author contests. Rumor Control has it they have yahoo groups set up where when they hear about an author contest, they share the info on how to win. For instance, if the author holds a scavenger hunt where entrants must post links to certain excerpts on the author's website, the links will appear in the yahoo group for everyone to use. Then the winner has to share the ebook prize with the group, negating even the author giving out gift certificates. The winner buys the books and still shares with the group.

If we hand out physical prizes, we often end up with huge postal fees far in excess of any money we might earn from royalties. I ended up shipping a $10 teddy bear to the Philipines and paid $30 for the shipping. International shipping is very painfully priced, but if an author doesn't cough up the prize to the non-US winner, the author is seen as stingy (or worse.) The really hard part was that handmade $10 bear, with my hand-embroidered signature, ended up on Ebay less than a week after I got the delivery confirmation. It was listed for $40, and I was so hurt, I didn't even keep up with the bidding after that.

Authors hear this sort of thing and don't want to give out prizes anymore. If the above is true, the "fair and equitable" handing out of gift certificates or ebooks actually hurts us badly. As if those who pirate and participate in file sharing sites weren't harmful enough.

Do they really think I make a living off my writing? I'm blowing the whistle and breaking the "rule" of not saying what I earn. I'm considered moderately successful, and on a good month I can bring in $400, but you can't live on that kind of money. Right now, with my DH out of work, I'm trying to pay the bills with my royalties and failing. Does this sound like I can afford to lose royalties and hand out expensive and unappreciated prizes?

Amazon Debacle-- A calm look

My boss M says this:

Sounds like someone's suing Amazon for selling "Adult" media to minors. Wondered how long that would take. Notice they don't ask for age verification anywhere.

Frankly, I don't think Amazon's sales rankings do anything for us anyway. We're Small Press. That's not how people find our books. They're more likely to find them searching by author or title, or by following a line form our -- or your -- website.

Food for thought: Amazon's invested heavily in their own, proprietary, EXPENSIVE ebook reader, which has no other use but to read e-books, and which reads primarily a format which they also own, MobiPocket -- the least user friendly program I have to deal with.

BN, on the other hand, just purchased FictionWise, which offers all their books in Multiformat files to be read on any reader, PDA, cell phone, laptop desktop -- you name it, if it's newer than a Commodore 64, it works. If I were in the mood to buy stocks, I sure wouldn't be buying Amazon...

As for Amazon, well, it works both ways. If they drop our books, they don't make any more money off of our customers. And BN.com doesn't seem to have a problem with our content.

Kinda makes you want to go buy a copy of Unicorn Valley at BN.com, doesn't it?

M makes a good point. Hit 'em in the wallet. If Amazon doesn't want to sell my books, others do.

Amazon Ranking-- Gay is the New Black

http://www.smartbitchestrashybooks.com/index.php/weblog/comments/amazon-rank/#com

When did it become okay for a large business to blatantly discriminate against one group of Americans? When did censorship become mainstream?

Is being gay the latest in a long line of groups discriminated against, right along with the obese and the smokers?

I protest!

Not The Easy Way Out After All

Many folks don't know this, though I've not kept it a secret. On January 2, 2009 I was in surgery to get a LapBand installed. Since November when I began the serious business of preparing for surgery, I've lost a little over 40 pounds, and I'm still dropping 'em at the rate of 1-3 pounds a week.

While most people respond positively, a few seem to drop their jaws and act as if I'd just done something incredibly radical. Here's what another bandster wrote to explain his decision. His eloquence is incredible. (Note: I do not advocate the use of any drugs. I'm quoting him.)

For a simple and effective tutorial on how I came to this choice, follow these steps:

1. Smoke the strongest marijuana you can find until your eyes nearly fall out of your head. Get hold of that feeling of the most uncontrollable munchies and maintain that pose for fifteen years - sitting opposite a bowl of your favourite comfort food. Keep smoking and stay in front of that food. When you succumb, invite people to mock you for another fifteen years for being a failure.

2. Go into a hall of mirrors and look at the biggest, ugliest version of you that you can find and proclaim that you love the way you look in that mirror...do this for fifteen years, whilst praying that someone smashes the mirror. When they do, turn around and realise all mirrors now show the same thing.

3. Go shopping for clothes that do not exist in your size and ensure that the assistants look down their noses for you having the gall to ask if they stock anything appropriate. Do this every weekend. For fifteen years.

4. Strap a fully grown small adult woman to your chest and walk around for fifteen years like that - don't worry, she will just hang there and say nothing. She may prod you in the liver once in a while, give you diabetes and make people laugh and be disgusted at you - but that's not too much for you to take, is it? When, after trying to get her off repeatedly for fifteen years and you decide the time has come to ask somebody to help you unstrap her...watch out - I understand that people maybe judging you for being a failure or for taking the easy way out.

Number 4 is the biggie for me. I've actually had someone accuse me of taking the easy way out. I do not call being poked with needles, scanned by every device known to medical science, prodded in private regions normally labeled "Exit Only" and humiliated for a year by nutritionists, trainers, and my own doctor "The Easy Way Out." (That's torture.)

I do not call resigning myself to never tasting high-carb or starchy foods like rice, bread, potatoes, ice cream, doughnuts, or my own birthday cake for the rest of my life as "The Easy Way Out." (That's torture.)

Oh, and let's not forget the "pleasure" of knife-like pain in the stomach until you throw up everything in your stomach because you either ate the wrong thing or simply ate the right things too fast as The Easy Way Out. Don't worry, your hostess won't consider you absolutely disgusting and rude for throwing up the delicious food she spent hours preparing. This is "The Easy Way Out." (For extra credit points on self-torture, do this at outdoor events where there's no place to hide and throw up privately.)

I do not call having to pay top dollar for adult chewable vitamins or liquid medications and being monitored for the rest of my life by paranoid doctors who must dutifully watch for malnutrition for the rest of my life "The Easy Way Out." (That monitoring involves needles, and that's torture.)

I do not call having to ask for a take out box from the waitress at the same time I order food in a restaurant because I know I can't eat all of what comes with the food and give away my biscuits, hush puppies, fries or whatever to my dining companions or the dog when I get home "The Easy Way Out." (That's torture, thanks.)

All in all, the evil monk Torquemada, who invented many of the devices used in the Inquisition, couldn't come up with a more horrifying way to inflict suffering than the medical profession's device known as a LapBand, all in the name of Losing Weight for One's Health.

This is not The Easy Way Out. Let's call it what it was for me: The Last Act of a Desperate Woman.

A Nation of Spoiled Idiots

This is great!!! Wish I knew where to see more of this guy. If someone knows who he is and more about him, please tell me.

Shortcut to: http://copywriterunderground.com/2009/02/11/we-live-in-an-amazing-amazing-world-and-its-wasted-on-the-crappiest-generation-of-spoiled-idiots/

This guy speaks about being grateful for what we have in the most hilarious way possible. I love what he said. I'll try to be more patient the next time I have trouble with my cell phone or waiting in long lines at the airport, that's for darn sure.

Lena

Reprise: Not all Pirates are on the High Seas

Please read this article written by Charlotte B. Compo about e-piracy. Many e-authors just lost thousands thanks to one e-pirate. It's only thanks to the dedication of Charlotte, EPIC, and others that keep me at my desk writing despite the lack of luxuries.

http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=3151

You see, I happen to agree with Charlotte. I'm one of those who gave up a good job to write. I don't make a lot of money. In fact, almost everything I make goes right back out to pay the IRS to cover back taxes caused by that horror of the poor and struggling-- bankruptcy and foreclosure. When they foreclosed on my home in 2004 (the same year I had my first published book, you'll note), I didn't know the mortgage company "forgave" the debt, causing me to owe the IRS and the state of Colorado almost $20,000. I won't finish paying off that debt until 2012, unless I win the lottery.

I don't write books for the money. If I were truly mercenary, I'd go back to being a Mistress for $3000 a week. I'm too old to want to spend time in jail on a vice charge, thanks. Besides, it might embarrass the grandchildren. I write books because I love telling stories while safely wrapped in soft, bright-colored clothes instead of driving to hotels wearing leather so I can beat on businessmen. Sure, Domination is a great aerobic workout but it's damn stressful. You try being discreet while hefting a duffle bag bigger and heavier than a set of golf clubs into a posh hotel elevator.

Anyway, back to the pirating thing. This pirate with the initials AC had three (!!) separate websites where she uploaded ebooks from both the famous and the little guys like me and gave them away for free. Thousands of authors lost thousands each, thanks to this pirate. She apparently labored under the misconception that we were all as rich as Nora Roberts and Stephen King. Yeah, she pirated Nora too.

I can name at least three different authors who had to give up or severely curtail their writing careers because they couldn't afford to feed their kids without a "real" job. One is now working at a restaurant as a waitress because that's the only work she could find. Sadly, it doubled her income and keeps her kids fed.

Yeah, that's what piracy does. It stops authors from writing.

Lena

What an A**hole! If you can afford an island...

Now, I understand that I don't know ALL the story, but it just seems to me that If you can buy a PRIVATE ISLAND...you can pay child support.....

http://sports.aol.com/mlb/story/_a/bbdp/neel-charged-in-child-support-case/276590

He helped make them, so he can help support them until they reach adulthood. That's my thought. I don't care who or what you are or what you think you are, responsibility for your actions must come first. You play, you pay.

Lena

Proposition 8 --California and Florida

This has to be the best way I've ever seen to thumb a nose and point out the general wrongness of Proposition 8 and the related hate legislation in both California, Florida, and across this "nation of the free." (Yeah, right.)

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508ff8/prop-8-the-musical-starring-jack-black-john-c-reilly-and-many-more-from-fod-team-jack-black-craig-robinson-john-c-reilly-and-rashida-jones

I do not consider President-elect Obama the Messiah, and I wish the poor man all the luck in the world. He inherited a sorry mess, and it doesn't matter who you blame.

Lena

Welcome to the Age of Repression. Please strip bare.

I cut and pasted this from www.SayNo2.com. They said it better than I can. I'm sorry to say Ammendment 2 passed. Welcome to the Age of Repression. I wouldn't be surprised if another Burning Times is around the corner.

"Inasmuch as marriage is the legal union of only one man and one woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized."

Consequences: Similar amendments in other states are being used to take away benefits from public employees (Kentucky, for instance), and dissolve domestic partnership registries used to provide health care benefits and pensions (in Michigan).Broward and Palm Beach Counties and the cities of Tampa, Gainesville and Miami Beach, among others, offer Domestic Partnership Registries. Most Florida universities and more than half of Fortune 500 companies offer Domestic Partnership benefits. These benefits would be placed at risk, if not outright abolished, if this amendment passes.Every unmarried Floridian will be impacted by this amendment - especially divorced or widowed seniors and public employees who, under existing programs, can share some benefits such as hospital visitation privileges and health care coverage without being married.

Hurting Seniors Amendment 2 could force seniors to choose between important benefits like sharing health care and important government benefits.

"Gay Marriage" Bait & Switch Amendment 2 claims to ban "gay marriage" but Florida already has multiple laws banning same-sex marriage.

Massive Government Intrusion Amendment 2 puts the government where it doesn't belong - regulating the personal relationships of Floridians. Hey, Governor! Keep your laws off my body and your nose out of my bedroom!

Hiring Expensive Lawyers Amendment 2 could force unmarried Floridians to hire expensive private lawyers just to protect their basic legal rights. Here I think is the real crux of why this legislation even made it to the ballots. The lawyers can now charge outrageous fees as unmarried domestic partners must come to them in hopes of protecting communal property and giving each other the hope of having the one they live with and who knows them best some rights.

Dramatic Consequences Amendment 2 could take away job benefits from university employees and be used as a defense to domestic violence - as in other states which passed similar amendments. Why am I not surprised?

The Excerpt and the Buy Link

This is the Marketing Coordinator of Changeling Press and part-time participant in Phoenix Rising Promotions with a small rant.

As you can well imagine, I post a lot of excerpts for other authors. One of my main problems I face on a continual basis is that of buy links. An author will willingly send me an excerpt, but other than the title, I’ll have little to go on. In some cases, I may know the publisher, such as when I work specifically for Changeling Press.

However, even then an excerpt without a buy link included means extra work for me going to find the work, getting the buy link and then including it in the post. How likely am I to work that hard if I have other excerpts that do include the buy link? I’m human, and I don’t want to work any harder than I have to.

This also applies to the readers. If the buy link goes directly to the book and link to purchase said book, are they more likely to buy? You betcha! The readers are even less likely than I am to go searching for that book if they have to click more than a few times with the mouse. The author does him/her-self a favor by making it easy for the reader to buy.

While this is not true with my present publishers, I have worked for a publisher with a very un-user-friendly website. It was difficult to find the author, much less the books unless they were a current release. If the reader wants to explore the author’s backlist, the buy link must provide that information, especially if the book is part of a series.

Make it easy to sell your books. Make it a habit to include the buy link EVERY TIME YOU CREATE AN EXCERPT. Make it a hyperlink to ensure your readers have to do little more than click the link.

Don’t waste the reader’s time –or mine—or they won’t waste time on you.

Last Minute Lucy

Want to annoy me? Be late. I hate late. Once in awhile, we're all delayed, but have you ever noticed some people seem to make a habit of it? Then, suddenly they make it your problem too. You're on time to be with them, and they aren't ready, so now you're both late to an event. I had a friend who considered it a point of pride to arrive at the exact moment or up to ten minutes late to everything, even her own wedding. She tried pulling that rudeness on me twice. The third time, I drove off and left her still putting on her mascara. I'd said I'd drive off at 7, and I meant it. You have to draw the line, and I put a big old black Sharpie line on the sidewalk at making me late. Funny thing, after that I could guarantee my friend would be ready on time for me.

Some editors I had long ago had that problem. If I turn in a finished manuscript three months or more in advance, I expect the courtesy of an edit within a reasonable period of time before release. What if there are needed changes? What if the edits arrive when I'm about to leave for a weekend getaway with my DH? Uh, sorry. He's more important in my life.

Right now, I have the best editor in KK, my editor at Changeling Press. I adore her. She's strong enough in her skills to kick my butt and make me like it. My work is always stronger after she's done and I've been a good girl enough to do as she said. This week is all about the edits she gave me last week. I'm working my butt off for her because she's earned my respect. She's also rarely late. Often she's early, bless her hardworking fingers.

Why am I praising her right now? Because I'm sure my work on Faux Paws is better because of her. It releases in late June, and I already have my edits in hand. Now that's efficient.

Crying Rape at the top of my lungs re: Booksurge

Okay, I can put up with a lot. I'm an author, 'nuff said on that. However, touch my wallet and I'll scream to the rooftops. If you think this pure overt extortion Amazon/Booksurge is shoving down POD Publishers won't affect your wallet, think again.

Read about it here:
http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA6545772.html?nid=2286&source=link&rid=1817936174

It's clear extortion and rape. That's forcing something down someone's throat (or other orifices, if you will) without their consent. Booksurge costs more to use. So, the publishers either have to eat the cost (Not likely because they are a business), cut the royalties of the authors (not wise to annoy the geese who lay the golden eggs), or pass the costs onto the consumer. The latter is not a great solution, but the best out of a bad deal, since this would mean about a dollar additional per book in price to cover the additional 10% more Booksurge charges as opposed to Lightning Source.

Whatever happened to free enterprise and the concept of captialism? If you offer the best deal at the best price, you get all the business. Up to now, Lightning Source has beat the pants off the competition, so they got all the business. Now Amazon/Booksurge has just taken away that choice. "Do business with us, or lose the sales at Amazon."

I can tell you from my point of view, this is worse than a bad deal. It's rape. Already, my publishers (all of them) sent me one good royalty check from my Amazon sales, then I had to eat a massive negative balance because of returns from the bookstores. In one case, I still owe that money months later because sales never offset that negative balance. Clearly, the money I make off print sales is next to nothing already.

I know for a fact that my publishers have already signed and paid for advance contracts with Lightning Source for print books scheduled months in advance. What will my publishers do? Eat the losses and sign new contracts? I hope not.

I hope with all my heart that my publishers tell Amazon/Booksurge to stuff their extortion where it will never see daylight. Profits from print sales aren't that great. I hope my publishers continue with their POD business of choice and start selling the print books from their own websites, cutting out Amazon as a middleman.

Will this hit Amazon/Booksurge in the wallet enough for them to realize they made a big business blunder? Maybe not. I don't care about that. This is more about not bowing to extortion and rape. Like any good woman under attack, I hope we at least make them bleed a little because we should not ever submit to rape.

Lena